For Him

I thank you for the times you are quiet... when things don't seem so clear... I will trust in you through it all... I believe you are still here!

Aromatherapy

There are so many therapeutic benefits that come with using essential oils to heal the body. Though somewhat costly, therapeutic grade oils can heal the body emotionally and physically with usually no side effects. Did you know that applying a few drops of peppermint oil to your forehead can immediately get rid of a headache? Or that lavender oil is great for healing burns, among many other things? Rosemary oil can ease body pain and also be added to food for flavor. Tea tree oil is one of my favorites and can be used in a number of ways, from colds to insect bites. There are also blends of essential oils that can provide relaxation, help one to focus, suppress the appetite, or give a quick "pick me up". Essential oils serve multiple purposes and can be applied directly to the body, diffused in the air, and even ingested in very small quantities. There are many products out there that claim to provide aromatherapy. But the truth is, only therapeutic grade oils give the healing affect that many desire. Aromatherapy may seem expensive when compared to other remedies but I personally believe it's a great investment. Since the oil is extremely potent, it can be used very sparingly (only a few drops each treatment) so it lasts for quite some time. AND the healing process happens more speedily. The positives of aromatherapy far outweigh the negatives and is an excellent way to go. Especially if you are into naturally healing the body. So the next time you want to be pampered , treat yourself to an aromatherapy massage and be immediately relaxed or energized.

Dating Dilemma?

I've mentioned before that I've been single for quite some time now. In the last few years, I've only been on a few dates. In fact, I can count on one hand how many. It's not that I don't get asked out. I do...alot! But 99% of the time I decline the offer. Only now have I really started to think about why I almost always say no to going on dates. I think I have some kind of dating phobia or something. Or maybe I'm just reluctant because I'm a single mother who may be overly cautious. Because of my children I have to raise my standards even higher, although some may do the opposite. I can't just bring any Tom, Dick, or Harry around my kids. I have a rule of not bringing any unrelated males around my children anyway, even if they're just my friends. Still, I don't want to even entertain the thought of going on a date with someone that doesn't meet my standards to begin with. Yes...they are high and I am picky. But it's a must! If I'm not immensely intrigued before the actual date, the date won't ever happen. I guess the bottom line is...I just haven't been much intrigued.

Goodbye Summer!

My summer vacation is officially over! The gang's all here back in effect. All kids are accounted for and again under one roof. Their school year is on the verge of beginning which means it's back to the drawing board for me. It's a little awkward right now while I'm getting back into the swing of things. It's hard to believe that I manage a household with three kids all by myself. So far, so good! There's been no bickering or fighting, only hugs and kindness. I keep asking myself how long will this last but I guess I should just enjoy it while it does. My summer was most excellent and I can't find anything major to complain about. Although it's hard to say goodbye, I'm looking forward to the events that will take place in the very near future (e.g. football, graduation, my golden birthday vacation, and most importantly, preparations to move out of TN) I have to mention that I'm officially a soccer mom now since both my girls will be playing this fall. It should be very interesting. My workload will indeed increase with football practices and games for Zailes and soccer for them. So not only should I be kissing summer goodbye, but my social life as well...at least for a while.

But what about me?

I know, I know...I've been so neglectful of this blog lately. It's just that I've had school, work, and my mind has been a little preoccupied, to say the least. But no more excuses! I will attempt to get back on track starting...right now. In the last couple of weeks I have found myself to get more annoyed than usual. My tolerance has went way down. I've even caught myself feeling stressed out at times. Although I recognized the negativity early on and didn't allow it to bring me down, it left me asking the question, "What is up with me?" Not until just now, did I realize all the negativity is probably due to my lack of writing over the last couple of weeks. I guess writing is more therapeutic for me than I initially thought. I should also give some of the blame to the fact that I haven't had a massage in forever. I became accustomed to getting one every couple of days and then when my clinical started, I was cut off cold-turkey. I've almost forgotten how great massages are...almost! My body is somewhat tired and so is my mind but I absolutely love what I do! I hope I always love giving massages as much as I do now. But I must admit, I'm so over the school thing that it's not even funny. So the countdown begins...ten more weeks until I graduate. In the meantime, I will take time out of my busy schedule and make therapy (writing) a priority. Who knows? Maybe I can even squeeze getting a massage in there somewhere too.

In need of relaxation?

Receive a 50-minute full-body Swedish Massage for $25.00 at Reflections of Health School of Massage. We have started our clinicals and our appointment days are Thursdays (5:30, 6:30, and 7:30pm) and Fridays (10:00am-2:00pm). You must call and schedule an appointment.

I also will begin my practice massages outside of school soon. I'm required to do at least 30 hours. These massages will be free and most likely be done in my home. But if you have a quiet, comfortable, and private space, I will consider coming to you. Please send me an e-mail (ebalex29@hotmail.com) if you're interested.

{Yawn}

I'm finally back home and it's kind of bittersweet. I'm excited because I start my massage clinicals tomorrow but part of me is so missing Florida already. My trip was so much better than I expected and I was expecting it to be pretty good. I need to be catching up on sleep so I will post pics and such later. I also still need to un pack! I've always thought myself to be very low maintenance but whenever I pack for a vacation I realize that is so not the case. It's crazy all the things that a female needs just to go out of town for a week. I believe I'm more of a t-shirt and jeans kind of gal who occasionally likes to get spiffy. Maybe it's because I'm a mother but I would pick comfort over fashion any day. Anywho, I'm exhausted and have so many things I should be doing but instead I'm off to bed.

That's All Folks!

Ok so it’s not really “all” but those are the words that come to mind as I write my last post of the month and prepare to visit the Emerald Coast. The year has just about reached its halfway mark and I’m gratefully going on a vacation that couldn’t be at a better time. There's nothing like fireworks on the beach! I believe the 4th of July is my favorite day of the year and just the thought of that day brings to mind my best memories. I suspect that this year will be just as memorable as the years before. Perhaps I should use the word “best” instead of “favorite”. The 4th of July is my best day of the year. With that being said, I hope to have some interesting things to blog about when I return. At the very least, I hope to have some photos of my getaway to share with everyone…so stay tuned! I wish everyone the best day on the 4th and remember to be safe!

Letting It All Out

My summer has been great so far. I was expecting chaos throughout my summer months because I started a new job and massage school in April. I’m glad to say it has been just the opposite! Besides the occasional stress that comes from studying, my summer has been very relaxing and easy-going. I’m trying to soak up every minute because it won’t be long until the monotony of motherhood is back in effect. During the hectic routine of my kid’s school year, I forgot how peaceful and laidback my summer’s can be. This morning I was lying comfortably in my bed listening to nothing but silence while thinking, “How can a single mother of three have so much free time on her hands?” A dark cloud tried to come over me when I suddenly remembered the answer. I have three children who have different dads. I would be telling a lie if I said that fact didn’t bother me at all. It’s still a touchy subject for me and unless it’s going to help someone in a similar situation, I’m not usually eager to talk about it. The shame and guilt that I have over come is unbelievable and only someone in my shoes could understand. God has delivered me from most of that shame and guilt and allowed me to see how valuable I am despite my circumstances. Still, sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that this is my life. I can always stop that dark cloud from hovering over me by remembering that no one has judged me harsher than I’ve judged myself. There is nothing that no one can say about me or think about me that I haven’t already said or thought about me.

After I immediately stopped the dark cloud from taking over and ruining my day, I became very aware that through it all there is a silver lining. That being…I GET A BREAK! You better believe that mother’s do need a break, especially if you’re a single mother. But not every mother is fortunate enough to have time for herself every once in a while and certainly not as much time as I have. I have to admit that the school year is crazy at times and I could just pull me hair right out of my head. Not to mention exhausting. But if I just make it through that school year to the summer, I get an ample amount of time to recuperate. This summer Zailes is staying most nights with my grandmother or my dad (he has to take advantage now because he doesn’t get to stay much during the school year). Zarayah is with her dad for the entire summer and Caislyn stays 3 nights out of the week with her dad (if not more). I guess most mothers’ would be concerned and miss their children but I’m so past that stage. I know they’re well taken care of and they’re at an age that helps me not to worry. I do sometimes miss them but then I think…it’s only a matter of time; they’ll all be back. Although I haven’t been able to sleep in much (my body is incapable of that now) I am getting a lot of rest. I can keep my home very clean without having to clean every single day. I can even go a few days now without doing laundry…Wow! My situation is rather unique and doesn’t allow me to forget about God’s goodness. I know quite a few women who have to go through hell dealing with one dad. I deal with three and get along with them just fine. They all help me out a considerable amount financially and it wasn’t like pulling teeth to get them to do so. It’s actually pretty amazing. They all have areas to work on; as do I but all have the potential to be the best dad a child could ask for. Don't get me wrong, it’s not ALL peaches and cream. There are still times when I say, “This is why you wait.” I do have to give a shout out to my family because they have helped me out so much!

Writing this post is a final stage of my healing process. My vulnerability is out in the world for anyone to read. I would like to say that I’m cured and will never again be bothered by my situation. But I realize that if I completely forget the uncomfortable humiliation that I’ve gone through, I wouldn’t be so eager to help other females avoid some of the bad decisions that I have made in the past. Even if I marry the perfect man for me, who is willing to look beyond my circumstances, my past will always be up front and center. I have learned something through it all that will never be forgotten. God’s forgiveness will not keep me from suffering the consequences of poorly made decisions.

For Him

You’ve never let go of my hand…although many times I let go of Yours. You’re always right there guiding me…even when my attention may be somewhere else. When I fall or when I stumble, You put me right back on my feet while dusting me off...never letting go. When I’m mentally and spiritually drained and feel I just can’t go on, You pick me up and carry me for a while…so that I can get the rest that I need. I’m safe and I’m secure when my hand is in Yours…knowing that You will always be my protector. Though I can never say thank you enough, I want to Thank You…for never letting go.

Echo De Menos A Mi Sobrino

No habla Espanol...but I learned that "mi sobrino" means "my nephew". I am finally an aunt and I miss my nephew Antonio, who is half Puerto Rican (hence the Spanish), like crazy!!! I haven't seen him since February of this year but it seems like so much longer. He turned one in May and he's walking now. I can't wait until I get my hands on him in a couple of weeks when I visit! Antonio is like the softest, squishiest (not to mention the cutest) baby ever!!!! I just love to squeeze and kiss on him, even though he gets mad and squeals like a pig. He is quite a handful (or two) but I don't mind. I will spoil him to death and then hand him back over to his mom and dad (that's the beauty of being an aunt!) So look out my little taquito; Aqui Vengo

Counting the Days!

I will be starting my massage clinical hours in just a short while and the closer I get, the more excited I become. My nervousness is enormously overshadowed by my anxiousness. I cannot wait! In addition to the 60 clinical hours, I must also complete 30 hours of practice outside of school (I already have "guinea pigs" lining up). If you've had a professional massage before, you already know how wonderful it can be. Those who have not yet had the privilege may be a little skeptical. Let me tell ya...it's a fabulous thing! Not only does massage therapy feel great (ahhhhh), but the physical Benefits of Massage are extensive as well. Just click on the link and see for yourself! If anyone is interested in receiving one of my free "practice" massages, please contact me and let me know (ebalex29@hotmail.com). Also, anyone can come to the school and get a clinical massage but it will not be free (though inexpensive) and there is no guarantee that I will be your therapist. I will post more details about the clinical and practice massages when I start in about three weeks, if not sooner.

The Obama Effect

The Obama bug without a doubt has bitten me. I have to admit that Tuesday night was an unexpected emotional time for me. I never thought that I would see a black man get so close to becoming the president of the United States. It seems so unreal. There’s just something about Barack Obama…well, there’s a lot of something’s about him. I don’t think I have ever been so moved and captivated by a single man. I have asked myself if I would feel the same about him if he were not black. The answer is yes...at least I think I would feel the same. Although some assume that black people like him just because of his race, there’s more to him than that. He is highly intelligent and full of passion; I love his wittiness; He possesses charisma beyond belief; I always admire a man with ambition; His upbringing adds to his uniqueness; The love he has for his wife...ahhhh so refreshing; The fact that he’s black…well that’s just a cherry on top. I mean, he can't make a lame man walk or a blind man see but every time I hear him speak I’m like, “Wow, God broke the mold after he made him.” Though I hope that’s not true because our society could benefit greatly from more young men like Obama. I can remember how fascinated I was when I first seen him and his wife on Oprah a few years ago. I then got the impression that he may someday run for President and be a great candidate but I didn’t think that he would move so soon. My intentions are not to take anything away from other great African-American leaders in our past, but I am experiencing Obama first-hand so he touches me in a way that the others could not. I pray every day that God will protect him.

A State of Bereavement

I have yet to feel grief at it's maximum level. I lost my great grandfather when I was in elementary school but was too young to really grasp what was going on. Plus he was almost 105 years old when he died and I guess death is kind of expected at that age. One of my really good friends left this world almost nine years ago and I unfailingly think of him this time of year because of his birthday which is tomorrow. I was nine months pregnant when he died so I didn't attend his funeral. I believe my pregnancy and not attending the funeral kept me from feeling the full affects of his passing. I had Zailes the very next day after his burial and it wasn't until my son was about a week old, that I actually cried and felt sadness. Up until that point I felt like it was a dream...like he wasn't really gone. My mother's dad died last year but I wasn't that close to him. I did however feel grief to a certain extent. I have yet to go to a funeral because my grandfather just had a memorial service. I did attend and remember the somewhat foreign feelings of grief creeping up on me. My first thoughts were, how on Earth do people deal with this? The feeling was like nothing I had ever experienced even though the grief was just at a minimal level. I started to think of the people closest to me and how I would feel if they ever left me, or vice versa. I couldn't understand why God would let us feel such pain. I remember thinking, how can people actually believe there is no God? Just the fact that one day someone you love is here and the next day they're gone, is crazy to me! I'm not looking forward to facing the days when my closest loved ones will be gone and I'm trying not to take for granted their accessibility. But it gets hard sometimes because it's easy to forget in this world that none of us are promised tomorrow. I miss you friend! I think of you so much and all the memories that we shared. Like the time you wore my prom dress and your sneakers around school...I've never laughed so hard in my life trying to get you zipped up in that thing. I could go on, and on. I have a lifetime of memories to live with but I would much rather have you here. I would love to hear your contagious laugh at least one more time. If I could only touch you and see your smiling face...that would make my life. I wish I would've been there and I'm sorry that I wasn't able to pay tribute and say my last goodbyes. But I thank God for protecting me and my unborn child from such heartache. Every time you enter my dreams, I try my best to tell you about everything that has happened or everything that is going on but I just wish that you were here so that you could know for yourself. I love and miss you and I'm sure that many others would agree that you will never be forgotten! Rest In Peace...my friend Micheal G. Whittington

So much for that idea!

It’s not funny…but it is! My poor, poor orchid…and to think that I was so nervous about killing this flower…now look at it! Are you laughing as much as I am? I have it sitting right next to my computer and every time I look at it, I laugh. A few weeks ago, I sat my plant out on the porch to get a little bit of sunlight. But I was so neglectful because I forgot to bring it back in. Why did it have to get so cold that night, of all nights? I discovered my orchid the next day when I was checking my mail. Just the bottom blossom was wilted so I thought that it would be okay…I was wrong! I’m sorry to say that it died a slow death too. I wish that I had taken a picture of it before it died because it really grew a lot. I was taking good care of my orchid until I left it out all night but everything sort of went downhill after that. Thanks to everyone that gave me encouragement but evidently I have a black thumb instead of a green one. I’m not going to try again right now but next time I will definitely be getting something easy! The crazy thing is…it makes me laugh so much that now I wouldn’t want the flower any other way!

New Experience

Last night I went to Stir Fry Cafe and ate sushi for the first time ever. I tried four different kinds and liked all but one. I didn't care too much for the Dragon Roll...maybe it was the water eel, I don't know. The others I tried were the Spider roll, Boston roll, and the Spicy Stir Fry roll which was the best of the four. I also learned to use chopsticks (it just didn't seem right to eat sushi without chopsticks). Although I surprisingly liked the sushi, it's not something that I'll eat on a regular basis. But for those who love sushi, the Stir Fry Cafe is a great place to go. Every Wednesday they have a select variety of their sushi for half price. And to add to that, I've heard from a few people that it's the best place in town for sushi...which they say is partly due to the unique atmosphere of the Stir Fry Cafe. I love to try new things and now (as Wendy so well put it) I can add eating sushi to my resume of life.

I Don't Do Pets!

I won’t mention any names but someone had the bright idea to give my kids two fish…a blue betta for Zailes, and a red one for the girls. We have had those fish for about two weeks and I already want to get rid of them! They’re both on my kitchen counter in their own little bowl and sometimes I forget to feed them. I swear (and I never swear) when I walk in the kitchen, they’re going all crazy and looking at me like, “B___h can we eat?” (Sigh) Animals are just not for me! Don’t get me wrong…I like them…I just don’t like to take care of them! Zailes is always asking for a dog, hamster, or something. I told him that maybe he can have a pet when he gets older. That probably won’t happen though because I’ll be the one stuck with the responsibility. A couple of years ago I let my brother get by with sending my kids four turtles from FL only because they stay at my mom’s. So, to my family members and anyone else who has the urge to buy a pet for Zailes, Zarayah, or Caislyn…remember the above title and please plan to keep it at your house!

Talk about spring cleaning...

Normally, I can’t rest peacefully in my home when it’s in disarray. When things are messy, I feel weighed down and will not be free from anxiety until everything is clean. BUT- the last few days I’ve been straight-up chillin in a home in total chaos. My mind has been in somewhat of a conflict! Part of it saying, “You know you need to get up and get this place together!” The other part saying, “I’m tired and I ain’t cleanin’ today!” The “I’m tired” part has been winning lately and today I found my apartment to be the messiest it’s been since I’ve lived here. To some people, it may not have been that bad but to me it was like, “aaagghhhhh!” I couldn’t take it anymore! So I’ve been cleaning like crazy since I got off of work this morning. I started with my bedroom, which was totally disorganized except for my closet and bed. I have this crazy compulsive thing about unmade beds and cannot stand to see one. I don’t care if my whole house is turned completely upside down; you better believe that the beds are made. My kids don’t do the best job at cleaning their rooms but they know how to make them beds! Anyway, I just finished cleaning and decided to take a little break before painting. I can’t take the walls anymore either! Thanks to Caislyn, there’s pen, marker, crayon, etc. on almost every wall. I don’t know what’s wrong with that girl; my other two never wrote on the walls, floors…EVERYTHING. Tonight, I will clean the carpet…can’t take that either! I’ve been resting pretty well, considering the disorder I’ve been living in…but I know that my sleep will be 10x better tonight!

With Flying Colors!

For the past several days, I have surprisingly found myself wanting a cigarette. What’s up with that?!? It has been two years and three months since I stopped smoking and it’s certainly not a habit that I will ever pick up again. The whole time that I smoked, I absolutely hated that I was a smoker. When I first wanted to quit, I tried everything! But my lack in will power made all of my attempts unsuccessful. I finally just had to pray. God eventually answered my prayer and gave me the strength to quit cold turkey. He didn’t take the cigarettes away from me; He took me away from the cigarettes! And He did it in such a way that made me never want to touch one again. I know for sure that I’m done! I love too much the fact that I have more energy, my hair, hands, and mouth don’t smell like an ashtray, and I’m ultimately healthier. I guess these past few days have been just a test because the more that I want a cigarette, the more I see people smoking. I’m so grateful that I was able to lose such a disgusting habit and I’m no longer controlled by a little stick of tobacco. Now that I’m done writing this…I believe I’ve passed the test!

Nostalgia

I often ride past my former high school, but this morning as I drove by I couldn’t help but feel a bit nostalgic. I didn’t care much for high school when I was younger but many times I heard grown folks say, “One day you’ll miss it!” Although they were right, at the time I couldn’t understand why they would say such a thing. I guess you just don’t know…until you know. I have a lot of great recollections from my high school years but I can only vaguely remember what it was like to be carefree (no kids, no bills, no qualms). Even though the wistful desire to go back in time clouded my mind this morning, I would only go back under one condition. Only If I can take with me all the knowledge and wisdom that I have at this moment, would I relive those days. Otherwise…I’d rather stay in the present, and be content with the vivid memories that I have of such a significant time.