For Him...

Why do I feel like I can't be quiet enough...can't be still enough?!? If You could just tell me what to do (and equip me with what I need to do it) I will do it! Am I just not listening...Am I hearing the wrong things? In the moment You reveal something to me, I know without a doubt that it's coming from You but that doesn't stop the enemy from trying to fill me with doubt at every turn. Faith is what I'm struggling with right now. Having faith that You CAN do something and that You WILL do something, is two different things. I have no doubt that You can...but will You?

Do what you love...

After my first time giving a massage to a pregnant woman (in massage school), I knew that I wanted to specialize in prenatal massage. Up until that point, I wasn't quite sure about where I wanted to take my massage career. I have so much compassion and love for pregnant women. So much so, I would offer my services for free to pregnant women if I was financially set. I'm pretty sure my partiality comes from my dreadful experiences of being pregnant. I had no one there to rub my back or show care and concern when I was expecting. And emotionally...I was a mess! I can remember my first pregnant client...she was about 7 months pregnant with a very calm demeanor but her face revealed that she had so much on her mind. I instantly sympathized with her although she didn't say too many words. I could just feel what she needed...a nice relaxing massage that would bring her comfort and peace in the midst of a chaotic thing we call LIFE! I always felt nervous before every massage that I performed in school but for some reason my mind, body, and spirit were at ease while working on this woman (which is surprising since nobody in my class felt comfortable doing a prenatal massage). I guess I was confident because I was an expert on being pregnant and knew exactly how this client felt...I had no reason to be nervous! I just kept thinking, "what if this woman is dealing with the same circumstances that I once faced...what if she has no one who will comfort her and rub her back?" Needless to say, when imagining her as I once was, my heart melted. Putting myself in her shoes was effortless and the compassion I felt for her overflowed. Even if she had not been in my same situation and she had a perfectly loving husband that catered to her every need, there was no way he could possibly know how it felt to be carrying a baby. I, on the other hand, knew all too well what is was like and believed it was my duty to do what I could to help. It was then that I realized prenatal massage would be my "thing" and I'm working to make sure my dream becomes a reality.

Gotta Love Mother Nature!

Today was an interesting day...to say the least! Some of my co-workers and I went to Turkey Creek in Niceville, FL for what was suppose to be a fun and relaxing time. Let's just say that things didn't go as planned. It was one disaster after another as we walked a mile on a path with tubes so that we could float down the creek. I'm still trying to decide which was more unexpected...the hysterics of one of my co-workers, or the thunderstorm that started as soon as we got into the water. I think I felt almost every emotion possible during this little adventure. One minute I was laughing as hard as I could, and the next minute I was terrified that one of us would get hurt. I'm pretty sure I was too scared and concerned about everyone else to even think about myself, and any chance of relaxation was out of the question. But I can appreciate the thunder, lightning, pouring rain, screaming, laughing, teamwork, and the fact that we all survived. It turned an experience I probably would've only vaguely remembered years from now into a day I will vividly remember and laugh about for the rest of my life!

Heavy-hearted!

I've tried to put the oil spill in the back of mind and not pay too much attention to the damage it's causing. But the time has come for me to accept what is happening and the affect it will have on my life. Just writing this blog at this moment is forcing me to wake up and I'll admit that tears are coming to my eyes. It's so devastating! Anybody who knows me, knows how much I love it here and my love for the beaches. Wednesday will be my 1 year anniversary for living in Florida. I never anticipated that something such as an oil spill would change everything. I can't possibly imagine how people who have lived here their whole lives must feel. And my heart goes out to those whose livelihoods are being destroyed...not to mention the animals which are being harmed and killed. Please, please pray for me and everyone who lives in the Gulf!

Ugh...

I will admit that this blog has been slacking! Every since my domain was stolen, I've been uninspired to write. Actually, I've still been writing...I just haven't posted anything. My domain was up for renewal in March and I usually get a reminder via email. But for some reason I wasn't reminded this year so my domain (my-sprinkle.com) was jacked! (And VERY quickly I might add). Whatever the case may be...I'm still going to write! If I'm helping no one else...I'm helping myself and that's motivation enough. I feel bad that all my readers have been wondering..."what happened to your blog?", but I will get over it and post even if no one is reading. I have a new blog which I plan on starting soon...so stay tuned!

~Moments

Thank you Lord for this very moment! Times like these...when my faith is unfailing, my strength is renewed, my hope is bountiful, my confidence is at it's highest, and my love is infinite. It's times like this that I need to always remember AND be grateful. Because times will come when my faith shall waver, my strength grows weak, my hope starts to fade, my confidence runs low, and my love is starving. Nevertheless...I'm grateful for the difficult times too! For the hard times make moments like this...moments I spend with You...even more wonderful!

For Him...

Thank You...for loving me!!

Disconnected

I am in my hometown for the moment but I'm happy to say that I'll be heading back to Florida tomorrow. We came home to visit my grandmother for her 65th birthday...it was nice but I'm anxious to leave Johnson City. I found myself riding around town today and a feeling of sadness came over me. I felt so emotionally distant from Johnson City and it really doesn't feel like home anymore...I actually feel very out of place. It's bittersweet! It's good because it means that I really love where I live now. It's bad because it seems like my hometown should always feel like home...instead, when I visit I'm counting the days until I leave. A big part of it may be because I don't have my own place here anymore so when I come into town I have to stay at my mother's. Either way, I'm never eager to stay an ample amount of time in JC. It seems surreal that God would distance me from my family so much that I don't even feel connected to them anymore. What's stranger is that I feel perfectly content with things being the way that they are. If anyone would have told me a few years ago that I would be living in Florida I wouldn't have believed it. Sometimes I just step back and say, "Wow! I live 10 hours away from my family!" I'm so happy and grateful for how far God has brought me. The last 10 years I've grown tremendously! I'm excited to see what the next 10 bring...it's time to put all this knowledge into action! I know my family misses me and the kids a lot but right now I'm exactly where God wants me to be. And...I'm happy!!

Me in a nutshell...

This blog can be sort of a time capsule...at least I'm going to act like it is. So this post is strictly so I can look back in a few years and see what I'm into at this particular time. I wish I started doing this when I started the blog...but anyway...better late than never!

I'm currently reading "Lady In Waiting" and it's an excellent book! The earlier a woman reads this book in her life, the better! I'm half-way through and it's so insightful!

I'm really lovin quite a few albums right now but I won't mention them all...At the top of the list is Mariah Carey "Memoirs of An Imperfect Angel". I've always loved MC and I was obsessed with her as a kid...almost to the point of her music being a guilty pleasure. I know every word to almost every song she has (If I don't know it, I haven't heard it). Most artists start to slip as time goes on but because she has kept up with what's current and is collaborating with who's current, her latest album is the best (to me anyway). No surprise that I love every single song. They're other female artists who probably make better music but I don't connect and feel they're music like MC's music. Other albums include...Trey Songz "Ready", MJB "Growing Pains" (yeah it's 2007), A. Keys "The Element of Freedom", and Robin Thicke "Sex Therapy". Oh and I can't forget to mention Maxwell's latest album...I've pretty much wore that out!! Not really feelin Rap or Hip-hop right now...(guess I'm getting old).

My favorite thing to eat right now is grits lol...I've never been a grit eater throughout my life but I am lovin me some grits! Not the microwave ones but the real stove-top made ones...with cheese, butter, salt and pepper. I have to have some kind of chicken or fish with it though...I can't just have a meal of grits. And my favorite drink has been the same for a while...Arizona Green Tea w/ honey and ginseng (LOVE it!!) I'm also drinking coffee every morning (except weekends).

My favorite spot is still the beach and I'm anxious for it to get warmer!

My fave restaurant (at the moment) is Dave's Oyster Bar...yum!

I'm going to Destin Assembly Church...It's a 15 minute drive without traffic but well worth the gas. I know the commute time will double or triple once the vacationers come but hey, good churches are scarce these days.

My favorite shows have been the same for a long time..."House Hunters" on HGTV I watch almost everyday...Suze Orman Show...Everybody Hates Chris has somehow became like my fave of all (I didn't even like it my 1st couple of times watching it). There's nothing that I watch faithfully (TV is not that good anymore). TLC and Discovery I watch mostly and I sometimes get caught up watching Sportscenter or PTI. I'm burnt out on reality shows...but I do like Teen Mom.

My current wish list contains... a Movado watch (not practical but I still want one) and some Maui Jim sunglasses (would be a great investment now that I live in the Sunshine State) *note* since I never splurge on myself...I doubt I will have these items when I read this again lol

I still love massage therapy (even though it takes a lot of time, energy, and money to maintain licensing, certification, and CE's...ugh!)

I think that's about all I want to record in my blog time capsule right now...til next time!

~Be Kind

I once had the best compliment in my life...at the exact moment that I needed to hear it. It was at a time when I was suffering mentally and spiritually. I was carrying so much shame and guilt and I was uncertain about myself and where I was headed. I was in my early twenties and really unsure about my future. One day when I was feeling really down, my old Sunday school teacher came into the place where I worked with his co-worker for lunch. He said hello to me and then said to his co-worker (I will never forget the words), "This right here is a good woman!" Although I knew this man most of my life, I had never actually had a real conversation with him. But he was someone I looked up to and I knew without a doubt that he was a man of God. I don't think it was so much what he said but just that I could actually tell when he said it, he believed it. Even though I didn't feel like I was a good woman at the time, the fact that he believed it made me believe it. That compliment changed me completely and gave me so much self worth.

It's difficult to understand what others are going through or dealing with just by looking from the outside. I'm sure there are those who wear a smile even when they feel like they're dying inside, as I did for many years. And then there are those who display that they're dealing with terrible things. There are so many hardships in this life and no one is exempt from turmoil. Yes we have different struggles but everyone goes through a struggle with something. We come into contact with so many people on a daily basis and many we will never see again. But that doesn't mean that our encounters are unimportant. We should be using each opportunity to make a difference in some one's life because it doesn't take much to do so. Just giving a smile, compliment, or kind word can extraordinarily lift some one's spirit or pick them up when they're feeling beat down. Until we get into the practice of considering feelings of so called strangers, it doesn't feel natural to go out of our way to brighten some one's day. When I go into a place of business and I'm encountered with someone who is rude or impolite, I treat them how I want them to act...not how they're acting. I wasn't always able to respond the correct way and it was hard at first to put other peoples feelings before my own. It's something I have to work on everyday. But how you respond to people makes a world of difference in how they will treat you in return.

It's Me

Just when I thought I knew everything there was to know about myself, I learn much more. The past couple of months have been eye opening for me. I'm becoming aware of my personality and why I think the way I think. I spent about 4 years really focusing on me and taking the time to get to know who I am and what I want in life. I learned a lot during that time and my self-esteem, confidence, and self worth were built up enormously. But the things I'm discovering about me now are not necessarily good...but it's me. The most apparent thing I've discovered about myself is how superficial I am. I'm so much more superficial than I originally thought and I'm not proud of it. I guess it's something I've always kinda been aware of but didn't pay much attention to. When it comes to outside appearances or things just on the surface, I am SUPER particular. I've always been a perfectionist and really into how I present myself. If I dress up then everything has to be perfect! If I dress like a bum then I must look like a perfect bum. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want to look like depending on the look I'm going for. I think this superficiality is harmless when it's only concerning me. But the problem is I'm letting it affect potential relationships. I will pick a man apart and the smallest thing will bother me to the point where I just can't let it go. I'm very particular about how I want a man to carry himself...the way he talks, walks, and dresses is important to me. Maybe too important! Never do I want to change a person although sometimes I would like to. So I must be with someone just as particular as me or learn to let some things go. Otherwise I'll be 70 yrs old and still not married. I think God made this month "let's show Ebony how picky she is" month. I'm seeing all of my quirks and hang-ups and it's been humbling to say the least. But it seems it's necessary to know even the "not so good" about myself.

Type...I Shall!

I can't believe I'm going on my 3rd year of having this blog...AND I'M STILL WRITING!! I've written about so much and when I find the time I will go back and read through it all. There have been times when I've felt like deleting the whole thing but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I want it to last forever even if I do eventually stop writing. It will defeat the whole purpose of why I started it if I just erase everything. Who knows...5 years from now someone may come across it at a time when they really need to read something that I've wrote. I've read a couple of the old ones and it's interesting to see how I've developed over the years. This blog is sort of like my own personal timeline and I look forward to looking back and reading all my posts when I'm old and gray...AND sharing them with my children!

Patience...

You have not because you ask not! If you ask and still don't receive...you're asking amiss! Or maybe you just need to wait!

~A Woman With A Plan

Once my wheels start turning, you better move out the way or join me for the ride. I have new plans and goals for the next couple of years and I WILL see them come to pass (God willing). I've never been much of a self motivator but once God puts something on my heart or gives me a desire, I'll make it happen (with His help of course)! I'm so excited for the new journey I am beginning!! Don't worry...I'll share details in due time. I'm just gonna take it one day at a time and remember...When God starts a work, He finishes!

Hmmmm...

What good is all the knowledge in the world, if you don't have the wisdom to go with it? Sometimes intelligent people do very stupid things...Lord please make me wiser!

Can you see me now?...Good!

Christmas was great and New Year's was fine...in 2010, it's my time to shine! Hehe...sorry for being such a cliche but I really do plan to shine this year. Of course the way I want to shine is probably not the way most people mean that they're gonna shine. I want my light to come from within. I'm continuously asking God to help me improve my inner beauty because that's what He sees, which means that's the most important. Although I'm working on my internal self, my light should be seen everywhere I go...it should shine through...especially in the midst of darkness. Darkness can never be the conqueror of light. If light is shining...someone is going to see it. Therefore, I'm going to continue to shine and make my light brighter and brighter. And it's all for God's glory!

FEAR

I can think of alot of things that I don't ever want to happen but none of them cause me to feel real fear. I used to have stupid fears (like spiders) when I was younger and and didn't know any better. But now there's only one true fear that I have and that would be God. It's not a terrifying or agonizing fear but it's a fear that certainly puts me in check. There are times when that fear comes over me and I can't help but recognize God's power. Only He can kill the body AND the spirit. Just the thought of what He could do to me and the thought of being away from His love causes me to feel fear to the max. It makes me wonder why can't everybody just have that same fear of God. People would not do some of the horrible things in which they do if they feared the Lord. I never want to experience being separated from God's love...especially for eternity! That's what you call hell. And those who are left behind after the rapture will experience hell on Earth because the Comforter (which is the Holy Spirit) will be gone too! It's sad that some people won't realize how REAL God is until it's too late. But one thing is sure...whether you believe in Him or you don't, He will get His glory! Every knee will bow and every tongue will confess. Although my life is not the worst and probably better than most people's...I look forward to that day! Every time I hear someone speaking against God or I witness evil taking place, it just heightens my anticipation for His return. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus is preparing a place and then He's coming back. Will you be ready?! If you're not sure then just pray this simple prayer..."God please let me be accountable worthy to stand before Jesus and escape the things which shall come to pass here on Earth." If you pray that prayer, trust me, God will get you ready.

Doting...

I'm not really the type of parent who dotes about her children. I may share funny stories about the things they do or don't do but I get annoyed by parents who dote about every little thing their child does. I think its safe to say that MOST parents think their children are the smartest, the brightest, and the cutest, so I believe it to be a waste of breath to try to convince someone else of how right they are. The truth is...most kids are bright and smart! Children are born knowing nothing so unless they were born with some type of disability or ailment, they're gonna be just as bright and smart as the next kid. Maybe in a different way...but bright and smart nonetheless. And most kids are cute...some cuter than others (teehe) but they are all a gift. So though you won't catch me doting on any ordinary day, there are times when I'll brag a lil about how great my kids are. And right now is one of those times. All my children are all special, funny, and unique in their on way. Zailes can learn school work at lightning speed with little or no effort. But if I try to show the boy how to clean up something, it's like I'm teaching rocket science. Or maybe he's so clever that it's ALL pretense to get out of cleaning...who knows?!? He will become more and more handsome as he ages and he will have the right swag to go with his good looks. He's going to be a great catch...I'm making sure of it (trust me). Zarayah is just smart all the way around...a nerd if you will. Her imagination is just off the charts and amazes me daily. She's very passionate about becoming a teacher and I don't think she will deviate from that when she gets older. That is unless, she becomes America's Next Top Model, which could very well happen since she is so pretty and photogenic. The girl never takes a bad picture...even when she's trying to. And my little ol' KK...God love her! She's just too smart for her own good. She definitely will be the most street smart of the three. She's got me constantly praying that her intelligence will be used for good and not evil cause really it could go either way with her. I do believe she is gifted in many ways I just have to get her doing something she's passionate about and there will be no stopping her. And I have to mention she is the cutest most cuddly thing ever! By far my most affectionate child. Zailes is the protector/caretaker...Zarayah is the most thoughtful and considerate...and Caislyn is the most lovable! OK there...I'm finished with my seldomly done doting. I'll save the majority of my bragging until they become grown successful human beings...that's when I can REALLY dote and it's what really counts anyway!

It's Been Too Long...

Where do I begin?!? There's been so much going on in my life that I hate I haven't had time to blog about it. There's no way that I can give a complete recap of the past few weeks without forgetting some things because I just don't have the time right now. But it felt necessary to write something since it's been so long. I do have a few things which have been consistent in my life so I'll take the time to mention them. Of course God is at the top of the list...He's still blessing me beyond belief! I'm not worthy of His favor but there's no way I can deny that I have it. God's favor follows me everywhere I go. I've found a church that I like but I'm not ready to commit. As soon as God lets me know it's the one then it'll be the one. My kids continue to mature and amaze me on the regular. I'm thanking God now for the successful future each one of them will have. I still love FL! There are times when I feel like I've been here my whole life. Not as homesick as I thought I would be. In fact, there's only been quick flashes of nostalgia so I guess it's kinda like "outta sight, outta mind!" I am amazed when I look at my past, overwhelmed with love and joy when I look at my present, and beyond ecstatic when I think of what my future holds!

Full Blown

Today is the first day that I've experienced TOTAL homesickness. I knew it would eventually rear it's ugly head but I didn't think it would come so suddenly. Nostalgia just popped up on me out of the blue. I woke up feeling tired so maybe the exhaustion played a role. I don't know exactly what triggered me being homesick but everytime I do something it seems to get worse. I combed the girls hair this morning and it made me miss TT (the lady who braided their hair every week). I washed the dishes and I missed so badly my old kitchen (I loved that kitchen!) I looked out the window and I missed the leaves changing colors and the cool air of autumn. The kids were bickering all morning which made me miss my family and getting a break whenever I needed it. Getting ready for church made me miss my church family. I got a phone call from the most amazing person who has great qualities and is close to perfect but my heart still remains with my first and only true love. And as I write this blog I can imagine myself sitting at my desk in my old apartment when I first started it. Ahhh the memories...the familiarity. I've been trying to remember all morning exactly why I moved here. I don't doubt that it was meant for me to move but I was truly happy in JC. Did I want more in life? Yes! Was it monotanous? Yes! But I was happy. I think no matter where I live and how happy I am, I'm bound to get a little stir crazy every once and a while and desire a change. Although I can't see myself living away from Johnson City forever, it was important for me to move away and experience life somewhere else. So here I am...still truly happy but yearning for the things of the past.