It's Me

Just when I thought I knew everything there was to know about myself, I learn much more. The past couple of months have been eye opening for me. I'm becoming aware of my personality and why I think the way I think. I spent about 4 years really focusing on me and taking the time to get to know who I am and what I want in life. I learned a lot during that time and my self-esteem, confidence, and self worth were built up enormously. But the things I'm discovering about me now are not necessarily good...but it's me. The most apparent thing I've discovered about myself is how superficial I am. I'm so much more superficial than I originally thought and I'm not proud of it. I guess it's something I've always kinda been aware of but didn't pay much attention to. When it comes to outside appearances or things just on the surface, I am SUPER particular. I've always been a perfectionist and really into how I present myself. If I dress up then everything has to be perfect! If I dress like a bum then I must look like a perfect bum. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want to look like depending on the look I'm going for. I think this superficiality is harmless when it's only concerning me. But the problem is I'm letting it affect potential relationships. I will pick a man apart and the smallest thing will bother me to the point where I just can't let it go. I'm very particular about how I want a man to carry himself...the way he talks, walks, and dresses is important to me. Maybe too important! Never do I want to change a person although sometimes I would like to. So I must be with someone just as particular as me or learn to let some things go. Otherwise I'll be 70 yrs old and still not married. I think God made this month "let's show Ebony how picky she is" month. I'm seeing all of my quirks and hang-ups and it's been humbling to say the least. But it seems it's necessary to know even the "not so good" about myself.