For Him

In spite of my circumstances, You have blessed me abundantly. Your grace, Your mercy...has rescued me from a life full of sorrow and pain, and provided me with a life full of joy and peace. I look at some and say, "That could've been me...That should've been me!" But instead, I have somehow found favor in Your eyes and I give You the glory. I am so not deserving! There is nothing that I can say...do...or even think about, which comes close to showing You the appreciation that You deserve. I will always cherish my desire to serve You!

"What was I about to do?"

I just finished my second week of school and I also took my first Anatomy and Physiology test today. I think I did pretty well but I won't know my score until Wednesday. Studying is something that is fairly new to me because I never had to in the past. I was always a great test-taker as long as I paid attention in class. I'm not bragging though because most things were forgotten soon after the test was over. A&P is not one of my strong subjects, to say the least. So I have to cling to every word being taught AND spend a considerable amount of time studying. The fact that the massage program is super accelerated doesn't help because everything is just being crammed into my head. Consequently, I find myself doing things like...getting ready to take a shower and then forgetting about the shower before I make it to the bathroom. (I remember after a few minutes so don't think I'm walking around smelly...maybe in a couple months :-)) You should see me when I'm cleaning the house! I have to pause in between tasks so that I can remember what I was doing. My brain is too busy trying to remember things like...the lateral pterygoid muscle inserts into the mandible and the temporomandibular joint capsule. I'm certainly out of my element for the time being. Hopefully my brain can adjust and retain information (new and old) a little more efficiently. I'm sure it will get more difficult in the days to come so please keep me in your prayers. The massage part...lovin it! I'm learning so much and that class is so much easier. So in spite of the complex A&P class, I believe I'm well on my way!

The Truth Is...

Not much (if anything) in this world is worth the negative energy brought on by stress. That being said...let us pick and choose our battles wisely. Why waste time fighting needless battles, when we may have other battles that require all of our energy and attention?

Is It My Fault?

Time and time again I have the disappointing feeling that none of the people closest to me, really know me. I have always been a rather private person. Now (because of this blog) I think some of my transparency is evident but I haven’t always been the one to share my thoughts, feelings, or opinions. In the past, I became accustom to the habit of keeping things to myself. However I did share everything with God and prayed on a regular basis. I know that He will never give me the wrong advice, which (sometimes) humans do. Although I found my method for coping with issues to be the best for me, it prevented the people I care about most from knowing whom I am deep down. Hopefully they can see a little more than what’s on the surface but I feel the best parts of me have gone unnoticed. So who’s to blame? I do have a tendency to shut people out of those "best parts" because I feel like, “They just won’t get it!” On the other hand, it seems to be a human instinct to focus on the negative aspect of people and make gossip the center of attention. I guess the truth is…no one will ever know us like God knows us! But I think we should make an attempt to really know the ones we love as much as we can. Some may call it being nosey; I call it being interested. Finding out what makes someone tick will cut out a lot of unnecessary dialogue and make it easier for us to relate. I hope someone gets what I’m trying to say!

Trying to Adjust

I’m one of those people who thrive on routine. Maybe it’s because I’m a mother, but my life seems to run much smoother when things are in order and I’m on schedule. You may catch me being spontaneous every once in a while but not very often. I like to plan! Consequently, change overwhelms me to the fullest. No matter if the change is good or bad, necessary or unnecessary, expected or unexpected, just the fact that I have to adapt makes me uneasy. I am finally starting massage school next Wednesday and it’s something that I’ve anticipated for far too long. I had to leave a job that I happened to love because my school schedule wouldn’t allow me to work there any longer. So, a few days ago I started a new job that I think I will like when I become more familiar with it. As a result, my schedule has been altered drastically. I’ve spent the last few days reminding myself that I can adapt pretty quickly and then things won’t be so crazy. Actually, things will probably stay crazy for a few months but as long as I can get into the routine of crazy, I’ll be fine! I’m extremely grateful that God never changes because that would be way too much for me to handle!

For Him

So many chances to get it right-

I didn't listen to Your Word.

Now a single mother of three-

asking for strength to carry on.

All of them have different dads-

just the thought brought so much shame.

Didn't think this could ever be my life-

why did it take so much pain?

To realize just who you are-

and that Your Word should never be ignored.

It's the key to everything in life-

Your Word I now love and adore.

Finally see the precious light-

there is reason for your instruction.

You want the best life for me here on Earth-

Your Word will keep me from destruction.

Now I strive to live the right way-

in spite of all my previous errors.

I'm choosing to follow Your Word-

for Your Word will last forever!

To Be...or Not To Be?

I am currently single and have been for the last three years. After my last relationship ended, I promised myself that I wouldn’t get into another until I was COMPLETELY over it. Well…I have been completely, 100%, so very far over that “ship” for quite some time and it has sailed!!! So why am I still single? Because there was some other things that needed to take place too. The most important things being, I had to find me and then learn to love me. Now that I have found and love who I am, I find myself asking, “Do I really want to be in another relationship?” Do I really want to risk my drama and care free, non-stressful, though unromantic, single life, just to invest an abundant amount of energy and emotion into another being? Is there any guarantee that I will be as happy, or happier, than I am now and my heart will never be broken? Ok, there’s a good possibility (because of the person I’ve become) that my heart won’t be broken again (in terms of a relationship). BUT, I’m sure a “ship” will bring me some type of stress and disappointment because we’re only human. I have to say (for the most part) I do want to be in a relationship again someday, but why? Why would I even entertain the thought of taking a chance on someone else, considering my past relationships? Possibly, I believe that all those failed attempts at what I thought was love were preparing me for the future. And I guess I believe that maybe, just maybe, there is someone who was made especially for me. A MAN, who I will find to be worth all the risks and who will make all of my previous questions irrelevant. Until then...