Full Blown

Today is the first day that I've experienced TOTAL homesickness. I knew it would eventually rear it's ugly head but I didn't think it would come so suddenly. Nostalgia just popped up on me out of the blue. I woke up feeling tired so maybe the exhaustion played a role. I don't know exactly what triggered me being homesick but everytime I do something it seems to get worse. I combed the girls hair this morning and it made me miss TT (the lady who braided their hair every week). I washed the dishes and I missed so badly my old kitchen (I loved that kitchen!) I looked out the window and I missed the leaves changing colors and the cool air of autumn. The kids were bickering all morning which made me miss my family and getting a break whenever I needed it. Getting ready for church made me miss my church family. I got a phone call from the most amazing person who has great qualities and is close to perfect but my heart still remains with my first and only true love. And as I write this blog I can imagine myself sitting at my desk in my old apartment when I first started it. Ahhh the memories...the familiarity. I've been trying to remember all morning exactly why I moved here. I don't doubt that it was meant for me to move but I was truly happy in JC. Did I want more in life? Yes! Was it monotanous? Yes! But I was happy. I think no matter where I live and how happy I am, I'm bound to get a little stir crazy every once and a while and desire a change. Although I can't see myself living away from Johnson City forever, it was important for me to move away and experience life somewhere else. So here I am...still truly happy but yearning for the things of the past.

For Him

There are no words to describe the joy, peace, and happiness I have at this very moment. You have followed through on your promise to me and even though I knew You would, I'm still left speechless! I mean, I will attempt to express everything that I feel but I know there are no words which are suitable to describe your goodness. Thank you just isn't enough so I will spend my life trying to express my gratitude. I dedicate my life to serving You! Some may think I'm crazy but I know what You have done for me and there is nothing or no one that can shake my faith. I'll willingly risk being called crazy for You Lord...it's the least that I can do! The amazing thing is...You are far from finished working on me and so many great and wonderful things are in my future. Thank you for supplying my needs...thank you for making me virtuous...thank for making strength and honor my clothing. These things are all works in progress but still I thank you now because I know You always finish what You start! I love You with my heart, soul, and mind...more than ANYTHING!!

My Girls...

I'll say it once and I'll say it a million times...I love that I'm raising sisters. They are sooooo fascinating to me! My girls make me laugh so much and I could watch them interact for hours...as long as they're not bickering. Sometimes it's like they have one mind and I often think they should've been twins. The other morning (no kidding) I watched them wake up out of their sleep at the same time, walk over to each other, shake hands, and say, "nice to meet you." The whole time I'm standing there like...did I miss something?!? They always seem to be on the same wave length. Which is why when KK's doctor evaluated her (while she was still 3) and came to the results that her mind was on the level of a 7-year-old, I wasn't surprised. I think she's right where Zarayah is mentally (although Zarayah's only 6). Without a doubt I have my work cut out for me with these two which is why I'm so glad that Zailes is such a great big brother. I'm doing my best to plant their roots exactly where they should be. KK has been forming and saying her own prayers since before she turned two, and Zarayah is constantly mindful of the Ten Commandments so I believe they're headed in the right direction. Nevertheless, these girls will drive me to my knees more times than I'll be able to count. Actually, they already do! I'm not trying to wait until they're older and in trouble to start praying for them. I'm praying now that God will deliver them from the evils that Satan has setup for their future. I sometimes wonder what it would've been like if I had grown up with a sister and I'd like to think it would've been exactly the same relationship that my two girls have.

In My Opinion...

I don't consider myself to be a very bold person. Maybe I am on this blog...and maybe when I'm defending my beliefs I can come across as bold. However, I believe myself to be more of a "doer" than a "sayer". Actions definitely speak louder than words in my book and I'm all about watching what people do instead of listening to what comes out of their mouths. Really, that's the only way to tell the true character of a person! I'll be the first to admit that I truly admire and appreciate someone who is bold in Christ. BUT, not when the boldness overshadows the humility! When someone is constantly being bold but rarely displays times of being humble, it makes me feel a little uneasy. None of us christians should ever get to a point where we feel like we have "arrived". We came from NOTHING and we are NOTHING without God.

Beach Day w/ The Girls

~Back Into the Swing of Things

FINALLY...things are settling down and getting back to normal. I'm just starting to bounce back from the exhaustion I've had for the last couple of weeks. There's not enough hours in the day when you're a single mother of three. I know I was born to be a mother (so I assume that means I was born to be a wife as well but the jury is still out on that one) and I should be given a crown for being the queen of multi-tasking. It really does come naturally and I rarely even have to think about what I'm doing. That does not mean my job of motherhood is easy...its tough work! But I love doing it and I do exceptionally well (if I do say so myself). Of course, I'm never satisfied and always feeling like there's room for improvement but given my circumstances...well? I'm grateful that everything is working out better than I anticipated and I continuously pray for strength to do all that I do.

I sometimes wonder...is anybody listening?!? I write these blogs for two reasons. 1. Maybe I've experienced something that someone else is feeling or dealing with, and my perspective could possibly give some insight. 2. Writing is my therapy and I feel much better once I just let it out. I do give God a lot of praise because He is the reason for everything. I'm nothing without Him so its impossible to share my life without giving credit where credit is due. It's very important that I do NOT take credit for anything good that I write! I've received many compliments and kind remarks about my blogs but my little old brain cannot even fathom some of the things that it comes up with on it's own. So if there's anything that I have said that is even remotely intelligent, I give all glory the God! I hope there's something which I've written that has helped somebody, somewhere but it's not imperative that I know for sure (that's the reason I took the place to leave comments off of here). I'm gonna continue doin what I do regardless! But since I truly believe a lot of what I write is inspired by God, I hope at least one person has on the thinking cap.

My 1st Visit Home...

I have two days left until I'm headed back to FL. This first visit home has went pretty well and I've had a relaxing time. It's been good to just kick back since all I've done for the last few weeks is work, eat, and sleep. It felt really weird being here at first but now I feel at home. Everyone has been complaining about the heat but it feels great to me...guess I'm use to the FL weather. I feel burdened that I won't get to see everyone who I would like to see this visit but due to the Umoja Festival, I've been able to see more people than I would have otherwise. The mosquitoes are horrific...my legs and feet are covered! I'm just realizing that I haven't been bitten all summer until now. I think I would rather deal with the sand fleas because these bites are so aggravating. All that's left to do is pack up the moving truck and say my goodbyes for a while. As of now, I plan to visit home only in the summer but we shall see if my mind changes. I seriously doubt I will be making that 10 hour drive with three kids unless it's necessary. Wow! This is crazy...but I love it!! Visiting Johnson City is definitely way better than living in Johnson City!

What's the Cure?

Surprisingly, the homesickness I have felt has been minimal. I haven't missed JC at all...just my loved ones. But I've been too busy with work and getting things in order to even miss them much. I did have a day when the homesickness hit me like a brick. The day I registered my kids at their new school was very melancholy. I really missed being at home where it's familiar and I missed having my kids attend a school where everyone knows them. The uneasiness I felt at the thought of my children being in a strange place lingered the whole day, though moving back to TN never crossed my mind. They are super excited, of course, and have no nervousness about being in new surroundings. I know that they'll be just fine, but like I've said many times...change overwhelms me. I'm, for the most part, over it now but there's only one other thing that I'm dreading...the winter! Anybody who knows me, knows I LOVE the snow. Thinking of the winter season (which will be here before I know it) really depresses me. It's not like we got a great deal of snow in Johnson City, but knowing that the possibility of snow at my new residence is slim to none really makes me sad. It makes me think...'why on earth did I move so far south?!?' I guess I'll have to suffer through the snow less winters but homesickness come winter is pretty much guaranteed...Thank God for football!

A Tough Pill to Swallow...

There's a female who I considered to be one of my best friend's in high school and a little beyond. I thought about her all the time when we lost touch and hoped that I would reconnect with her someday. When that finally happened, I was surprised at the awkwardness which took place. It was like we had never met. I'm still not exactly sure what was the problem. Maybe after she heard about my circumstances, she was judgmental of the person I had become (who knows). She was still the sweet and kind person I remembered her to be but instead of acting like long lost friends, we behaved as if we were strangers. It was extremely sad for me! She was suppose to be the Godmother of my first born...She always came to visit me when she was in town...I knew without a doubt she would someday be my bridesmaid and vice verse...I thought about her often when we lost contact and I was so happy when we found each other again. Yet, I don't know what happened...It's possible that nothing happened! I've finally faced the harsh realization that some people grow apart for no obvious reason. And very few people who leave your life will ever return. There are a couple of people that I was extremely close to back in the day but now it's like I never knew them. It has been very difficult for me to accept that the one's I loved the most at one point, will never be close to me again. It sucks, but it's life! Things change, people change, and sometimes they go their separate ways. That doesn't mean the time they spent playing a role in my life means any less, just that their time with me is up I guess. There are not many who I consider to be my real friend. True friends are hard to come by so I'll try my best to hang on to the few that I have. For the people who have willingly walked out of my life...I must let them go (if they can walk away, it's best they go)! For those who went unwillingly...some things just MUST be done! And for those who are still apart of my life...I love you and thank you!!

If God is for you....

Whether you believe it or not, everyone has at least one hater! Do I even have to mention the name?!? The enemy will constantly use people, things, and situations to keep us from receiving the blessings that God has for us. But the good news is...only we can get in the way of our blessings. AND the enemy can only do what God allows him to do. There are many ways in which the enemy will try to kill, steal, and destroy. Fortunately, what he uses for our destruction, God will use to build us up. I have learned that not everyone who smiles in my face is my friend. There are some who will dislike me simply because they can. Some will dislike me because of my love for God. There are people who will hate me and want me to fail for no apparent reason at all. Although I may never realize who those people are, or be aware of the mental and emotional harm they mean to cause me, they are still out there. Which is why I'm so glad that 1 John 4:4 says..."greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world." God can see what I cannot see and that fact gives me great comfort! If God is for me, anyone who chooses to be against me will NOT prevail.

In short...make sure you're playing for the right team because one side is guaranteed victory, and the other side will be defeated!

Just Have To...

Okay...Let me first start by saying I have never been in any way, shape, or form a fan of ANYTHING vampire. It's just not me! Or rather, it just wasn't me. But whenever there's a so-called phenomenon, my interest is usually peaked and I (being the nosey person that I am) just have to see what all the fuss is about. This Twilight Saga left me pretty much speechless and (like everyone else who has read) wanting more. Because of the author, Stephanie Meyer, I've found myself wanting to do nothing else but read. Oh, I finished the four big hefty books in like a week, but now I'm just wanting something, ANYTHING good to read. However, since I have finished the Twilight Saga nothing else I pick up seems to capture my attention and suck me in quite the same way. Still, I'm determined to find some great reads! Now that I live at the beach, I'm pretty sure that a good book (beach side) will be my favorite pastime. I also want to point out that the Twilight movie doesn't come close to doing the book justice. So I think it's safe to assume (although the movie trailer for New Moon, in theaters 11-20-09, looks very enticing)that none of the movies will measure up. If you're a true reader this will not surprise you because 99 percent of the time, the books are better than the movies. I'm so glad I fell victim to these books...they're the best fiction books I have ever read. So of course I strongly recommend them to everyone (although they are geared to a younger audience). I have yet to meet someone who has read the books and didn't like them. Now the only thing left for me to do is wait in full anticipation for the movies to come out...AND I also need to say...My name is Ebony Alexander and I am a Twilight addict! *smile*

Church Hoppin...

I know God didn't bring me this far to leave me, so I'm hopeful that I will eventually find a new church home. It doesn't seem possible for me to find a church that is just as good as Friendship Baptist Church in Johnson City, TN but I know all things are possible with God. I will remain faithful that I soon will find a church that suits me and my family perfectly. I must say that it has been very interesting to visits different churches to see how they operate. And my discernment tells me that not every church that I have visited was being led by God. Nevertheless, I have been to a couple of good ones that I liked. Yet still, I will continue to search and church hop until God leads me to where I'm suppose to be.

~Crazy Summer Fun~

I have had one heck of a summer so far!! It's been very eventful, to say the least. I've went to the beach and had a blast on numerous occasions, I've went bowling, me and my fam set off enough fireworks to get us put under the jail, and my latest adventure was deep sea fishing, which I absolutely loved!! It was scary, dangerous, exciting and fun all balled up into one. Oh, let me not forget exhausting! Reeling those humongous fish in was difficult for a physically weak gal like me. I'm proud to say that I caught the biggest fish of the day...a 14lb king mackerel. I wasn't strong enough to reel him all the way in and needed a little help from the deck man, but I caught him on my first try of putting the line in (the hook never even reach the bottom). In total I caught 49lbs of fish and the rest of my group caught 48lbs which gave us 87lbs in total. Do I need to tell you that we're having a fish fry?!? I thank God for the Dramamine that saved me from sea sickness. Our boat went 15 miles off the coast of Pensacola, FL, which took 2 hours on a charter boat. We spent 4 hours fishing and close to 4 just riding. The successful fishing definitely made up for the draining and time-consuming ride out. It was an experience I will remember forever! Deep sea fishing is a VERY nice thing to add to my resume of life and I hope to go again real soon.

The Coast Is Clear!

Well, I've finally moved to the place that I absolutely love....the Emerald Coast! I felt just a little homesick my first night here and it only lasted about a hour (if that). It felt so surreal when I first arrived. A completely different feeling than the feeling of being here on vacation. For a brief moment I was in a state of disbelief. I couldn't believe I had actually...moved (though I never doubted). Everything had went so smoothly, just as I had planned. So smooth, in fact, that I didn't spend much time thinking about the feat ahead of me. And when I actually did take a step back and dissect the task at hand, it was done...I was here! A flood of emotions came over me and I laughed hysterically on the phone with my friend Lottie. We both repeated..."Oh my gosh, I can't believe you/I moved to Florida!" Our conversation was quite funny and just what I needed when reality tapped me on the shoulder. I thank God that I already feel at home and I can definitely feel the prayers from my loved ones. I can see myself being here forever but I have learned not to put anything in stone. I don't know everything that God has in store for me because He's always working behind the scenes. However, I DO know that I will always follow the path that God wants me to follow...Only He can lead me to my destiny.

For Him

Just when I think I can't get any happier, You show me otherwise. It's nothing material really or anything that people can see on the outside that's making me want to jump for joy. It's the change that has taken place within me that has me overwhelmed with love and happiness. Well, I guess it shines through for people to see to an extent (hopefully it does), but I feel no one can truly understand how far You have brought me. Just a short few years ago, I was absolutely drowning in doubt, shame, and self-pity but You have completely turned me around. Even though I believe from the depths of my soul that all things are possible with You, I'm still in amazement at how You have blessed me. There's nothing anyone can say or do to make me doubt Your existence because You have revealed Yourself to me in ways that my little ole' mind couldn't even fathom.

Way Outta The Box

I will be moving to Florida really soon and this seems to take some people by surprise. Not many seem to believe it's really going to happen, which I find very hard to understand. I guess I just expect people to know that once I've made up my mind about something, it's a done deal. But I now realize that for most people, seeing is believing. Trust me...I was the last person to believe that I would ever move away from Johnson City and I never even had the desire to do so in the past. So I know that this is a desire that God has placed within me. It would be so much easier to stay in my familiar territory but I know that my personal growth is coming close to a halt. I need to be challenged in order to continue growing and I honestly believe that I have grown as much as I possibly can in Johnson City, TN. Although I pray for my transition to go smoothly, I am on guard for a bumpy road. It's not easy to relocate to another state (especially with children) but I'm embracing it wholeheartedly. I know I'm relying on nothing but my faith in God and I'll definitely be strengthened in the process. I'm mostly excited to see what's in store but the difficulty of the situation sometimes makes me nervous. I'll NEVER stop needing prayers so please remember me in yours!

We All Need It!

It's hard to forgive and maybe even impossible to forget...but it must be done. In order for us to receive mercy, we must be merciful. And while we're at it, we might as well be gracious too because none of us are worthy enough for grace.

Grace gives to us the things which we DO NOT deserve...Mercy keeps us from what we actually DO deserve.

Yes...It's True

I have found myself once again single but never have I been this happy after a break-up. I guess that's what happens when you're truly happy before starting the relationship. What can I say...it just wasn't meant to be. There are a number of valid reasons why I ended the relationship but it all comes down to one thing...I felt like I was settling. My heart was not content. I often ask myself, "Am I expecting too much...perfection maybe?" But I don't think so. I just know what I want and I won't settle for less! To do so would put limitations on God. I need someone who challenges me to be my absolute best, and I definitely do NOT want to lead a man (I have enough children). He should be leading me...AND in the right direction. The guy I was dating was not a terrible guy...just not for me. And there are no bad feelings between us.

I will admit that my standards are a little high for a single mother of three, but hey...I now know my value. There's something to be learned from everyone that God allows to come into your life. So I will take what I have learned and use it to make improvements on myself.

~Nothing Like a Broken Heart~

Have you heard the saying, "Never waste a good crisis?" I think the same should be said of a broken heart. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, betrayal from a significant other, the end of a friendship, grief is the worst and the best thing that could happen to us. The pain is like no other and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But the pain will bring us to our knees and sometimes that's exactly where we need to be. God can do so much work on us if we go to Him when we're brokenhearted and I firmly believe that sorrow makes the heart good. I pray that everyone experiencing a broken heart right now will not become overcome with grief...but will overcome the grief!