~Be Kind

I once had the best compliment in my life...at the exact moment that I needed to hear it. It was at a time when I was suffering mentally and spiritually. I was carrying so much shame and guilt and I was uncertain about myself and where I was headed. I was in my early twenties and really unsure about my future. One day when I was feeling really down, my old Sunday school teacher came into the place where I worked with his co-worker for lunch. He said hello to me and then said to his co-worker (I will never forget the words), "This right here is a good woman!" Although I knew this man most of my life, I had never actually had a real conversation with him. But he was someone I looked up to and I knew without a doubt that he was a man of God. I don't think it was so much what he said but just that I could actually tell when he said it, he believed it. Even though I didn't feel like I was a good woman at the time, the fact that he believed it made me believe it. That compliment changed me completely and gave me so much self worth.

It's difficult to understand what others are going through or dealing with just by looking from the outside. I'm sure there are those who wear a smile even when they feel like they're dying inside, as I did for many years. And then there are those who display that they're dealing with terrible things. There are so many hardships in this life and no one is exempt from turmoil. Yes we have different struggles but everyone goes through a struggle with something. We come into contact with so many people on a daily basis and many we will never see again. But that doesn't mean that our encounters are unimportant. We should be using each opportunity to make a difference in some one's life because it doesn't take much to do so. Just giving a smile, compliment, or kind word can extraordinarily lift some one's spirit or pick them up when they're feeling beat down. Until we get into the practice of considering feelings of so called strangers, it doesn't feel natural to go out of our way to brighten some one's day. When I go into a place of business and I'm encountered with someone who is rude or impolite, I treat them how I want them to act...not how they're acting. I wasn't always able to respond the correct way and it was hard at first to put other peoples feelings before my own. It's something I have to work on everyday. But how you respond to people makes a world of difference in how they will treat you in return.

It's Me

Just when I thought I knew everything there was to know about myself, I learn much more. The past couple of months have been eye opening for me. I'm becoming aware of my personality and why I think the way I think. I spent about 4 years really focusing on me and taking the time to get to know who I am and what I want in life. I learned a lot during that time and my self-esteem, confidence, and self worth were built up enormously. But the things I'm discovering about me now are not necessarily good...but it's me. The most apparent thing I've discovered about myself is how superficial I am. I'm so much more superficial than I originally thought and I'm not proud of it. I guess it's something I've always kinda been aware of but didn't pay much attention to. When it comes to outside appearances or things just on the surface, I am SUPER particular. I've always been a perfectionist and really into how I present myself. If I dress up then everything has to be perfect! If I dress like a bum then I must look like a perfect bum. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want to look like depending on the look I'm going for. I think this superficiality is harmless when it's only concerning me. But the problem is I'm letting it affect potential relationships. I will pick a man apart and the smallest thing will bother me to the point where I just can't let it go. I'm very particular about how I want a man to carry himself...the way he talks, walks, and dresses is important to me. Maybe too important! Never do I want to change a person although sometimes I would like to. So I must be with someone just as particular as me or learn to let some things go. Otherwise I'll be 70 yrs old and still not married. I think God made this month "let's show Ebony how picky she is" month. I'm seeing all of my quirks and hang-ups and it's been humbling to say the least. But it seems it's necessary to know even the "not so good" about myself.