~Back Into the Swing of Things

FINALLY...things are settling down and getting back to normal. I'm just starting to bounce back from the exhaustion I've had for the last couple of weeks. There's not enough hours in the day when you're a single mother of three. I know I was born to be a mother (so I assume that means I was born to be a wife as well but the jury is still out on that one) and I should be given a crown for being the queen of multi-tasking. It really does come naturally and I rarely even have to think about what I'm doing. That does not mean my job of motherhood is easy...its tough work! But I love doing it and I do exceptionally well (if I do say so myself). Of course, I'm never satisfied and always feeling like there's room for improvement but given my circumstances...well? I'm grateful that everything is working out better than I anticipated and I continuously pray for strength to do all that I do.

I sometimes wonder...is anybody listening?!? I write these blogs for two reasons. 1. Maybe I've experienced something that someone else is feeling or dealing with, and my perspective could possibly give some insight. 2. Writing is my therapy and I feel much better once I just let it out. I do give God a lot of praise because He is the reason for everything. I'm nothing without Him so its impossible to share my life without giving credit where credit is due. It's very important that I do NOT take credit for anything good that I write! I've received many compliments and kind remarks about my blogs but my little old brain cannot even fathom some of the things that it comes up with on it's own. So if there's anything that I have said that is even remotely intelligent, I give all glory the God! I hope there's something which I've written that has helped somebody, somewhere but it's not imperative that I know for sure (that's the reason I took the place to leave comments off of here). I'm gonna continue doin what I do regardless! But since I truly believe a lot of what I write is inspired by God, I hope at least one person has on the thinking cap.

My 1st Visit Home...

I have two days left until I'm headed back to FL. This first visit home has went pretty well and I've had a relaxing time. It's been good to just kick back since all I've done for the last few weeks is work, eat, and sleep. It felt really weird being here at first but now I feel at home. Everyone has been complaining about the heat but it feels great to me...guess I'm use to the FL weather. I feel burdened that I won't get to see everyone who I would like to see this visit but due to the Umoja Festival, I've been able to see more people than I would have otherwise. The mosquitoes are horrific...my legs and feet are covered! I'm just realizing that I haven't been bitten all summer until now. I think I would rather deal with the sand fleas because these bites are so aggravating. All that's left to do is pack up the moving truck and say my goodbyes for a while. As of now, I plan to visit home only in the summer but we shall see if my mind changes. I seriously doubt I will be making that 10 hour drive with three kids unless it's necessary. Wow! This is crazy...but I love it!! Visiting Johnson City is definitely way better than living in Johnson City!

What's the Cure?

Surprisingly, the homesickness I have felt has been minimal. I haven't missed JC at all...just my loved ones. But I've been too busy with work and getting things in order to even miss them much. I did have a day when the homesickness hit me like a brick. The day I registered my kids at their new school was very melancholy. I really missed being at home where it's familiar and I missed having my kids attend a school where everyone knows them. The uneasiness I felt at the thought of my children being in a strange place lingered the whole day, though moving back to TN never crossed my mind. They are super excited, of course, and have no nervousness about being in new surroundings. I know that they'll be just fine, but like I've said many times...change overwhelms me. I'm, for the most part, over it now but there's only one other thing that I'm dreading...the winter! Anybody who knows me, knows I LOVE the snow. Thinking of the winter season (which will be here before I know it) really depresses me. It's not like we got a great deal of snow in Johnson City, but knowing that the possibility of snow at my new residence is slim to none really makes me sad. It makes me think...'why on earth did I move so far south?!?' I guess I'll have to suffer through the snow less winters but homesickness come winter is pretty much guaranteed...Thank God for football!

A Tough Pill to Swallow...

There's a female who I considered to be one of my best friend's in high school and a little beyond. I thought about her all the time when we lost touch and hoped that I would reconnect with her someday. When that finally happened, I was surprised at the awkwardness which took place. It was like we had never met. I'm still not exactly sure what was the problem. Maybe after she heard about my circumstances, she was judgmental of the person I had become (who knows). She was still the sweet and kind person I remembered her to be but instead of acting like long lost friends, we behaved as if we were strangers. It was extremely sad for me! She was suppose to be the Godmother of my first born...She always came to visit me when she was in town...I knew without a doubt she would someday be my bridesmaid and vice verse...I thought about her often when we lost contact and I was so happy when we found each other again. Yet, I don't know what happened...It's possible that nothing happened! I've finally faced the harsh realization that some people grow apart for no obvious reason. And very few people who leave your life will ever return. There are a couple of people that I was extremely close to back in the day but now it's like I never knew them. It has been very difficult for me to accept that the one's I loved the most at one point, will never be close to me again. It sucks, but it's life! Things change, people change, and sometimes they go their separate ways. That doesn't mean the time they spent playing a role in my life means any less, just that their time with me is up I guess. There are not many who I consider to be my real friend. True friends are hard to come by so I'll try my best to hang on to the few that I have. For the people who have willingly walked out of my life...I must let them go (if they can walk away, it's best they go)! For those who went unwillingly...some things just MUST be done! And for those who are still apart of my life...I love you and thank you!!

If God is for you....

Whether you believe it or not, everyone has at least one hater! Do I even have to mention the name?!? The enemy will constantly use people, things, and situations to keep us from receiving the blessings that God has for us. But the good news is...only we can get in the way of our blessings. AND the enemy can only do what God allows him to do. There are many ways in which the enemy will try to kill, steal, and destroy. Fortunately, what he uses for our destruction, God will use to build us up. I have learned that not everyone who smiles in my face is my friend. There are some who will dislike me simply because they can. Some will dislike me because of my love for God. There are people who will hate me and want me to fail for no apparent reason at all. Although I may never realize who those people are, or be aware of the mental and emotional harm they mean to cause me, they are still out there. Which is why I'm so glad that 1 John 4:4 says..."greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world." God can see what I cannot see and that fact gives me great comfort! If God is for me, anyone who chooses to be against me will NOT prevail.

In short...make sure you're playing for the right team because one side is guaranteed victory, and the other side will be defeated!

Just Have To...

Okay...Let me first start by saying I have never been in any way, shape, or form a fan of ANYTHING vampire. It's just not me! Or rather, it just wasn't me. But whenever there's a so-called phenomenon, my interest is usually peaked and I (being the nosey person that I am) just have to see what all the fuss is about. This Twilight Saga left me pretty much speechless and (like everyone else who has read) wanting more. Because of the author, Stephanie Meyer, I've found myself wanting to do nothing else but read. Oh, I finished the four big hefty books in like a week, but now I'm just wanting something, ANYTHING good to read. However, since I have finished the Twilight Saga nothing else I pick up seems to capture my attention and suck me in quite the same way. Still, I'm determined to find some great reads! Now that I live at the beach, I'm pretty sure that a good book (beach side) will be my favorite pastime. I also want to point out that the Twilight movie doesn't come close to doing the book justice. So I think it's safe to assume (although the movie trailer for New Moon, in theaters 11-20-09, looks very enticing)that none of the movies will measure up. If you're a true reader this will not surprise you because 99 percent of the time, the books are better than the movies. I'm so glad I fell victim to these books...they're the best fiction books I have ever read. So of course I strongly recommend them to everyone (although they are geared to a younger audience). I have yet to meet someone who has read the books and didn't like them. Now the only thing left for me to do is wait in full anticipation for the movies to come out...AND I also need to say...My name is Ebony Alexander and I am a Twilight addict! *smile*

Church Hoppin...

I know God didn't bring me this far to leave me, so I'm hopeful that I will eventually find a new church home. It doesn't seem possible for me to find a church that is just as good as Friendship Baptist Church in Johnson City, TN but I know all things are possible with God. I will remain faithful that I soon will find a church that suits me and my family perfectly. I must say that it has been very interesting to visits different churches to see how they operate. And my discernment tells me that not every church that I have visited was being led by God. Nevertheless, I have been to a couple of good ones that I liked. Yet still, I will continue to search and church hop until God leads me to where I'm suppose to be.

~Crazy Summer Fun~

I have had one heck of a summer so far!! It's been very eventful, to say the least. I've went to the beach and had a blast on numerous occasions, I've went bowling, me and my fam set off enough fireworks to get us put under the jail, and my latest adventure was deep sea fishing, which I absolutely loved!! It was scary, dangerous, exciting and fun all balled up into one. Oh, let me not forget exhausting! Reeling those humongous fish in was difficult for a physically weak gal like me. I'm proud to say that I caught the biggest fish of the day...a 14lb king mackerel. I wasn't strong enough to reel him all the way in and needed a little help from the deck man, but I caught him on my first try of putting the line in (the hook never even reach the bottom). In total I caught 49lbs of fish and the rest of my group caught 48lbs which gave us 87lbs in total. Do I need to tell you that we're having a fish fry?!? I thank God for the Dramamine that saved me from sea sickness. Our boat went 15 miles off the coast of Pensacola, FL, which took 2 hours on a charter boat. We spent 4 hours fishing and close to 4 just riding. The successful fishing definitely made up for the draining and time-consuming ride out. It was an experience I will remember forever! Deep sea fishing is a VERY nice thing to add to my resume of life and I hope to go again real soon.

The Coast Is Clear!

Well, I've finally moved to the place that I absolutely love....the Emerald Coast! I felt just a little homesick my first night here and it only lasted about a hour (if that). It felt so surreal when I first arrived. A completely different feeling than the feeling of being here on vacation. For a brief moment I was in a state of disbelief. I couldn't believe I had actually...moved (though I never doubted). Everything had went so smoothly, just as I had planned. So smooth, in fact, that I didn't spend much time thinking about the feat ahead of me. And when I actually did take a step back and dissect the task at hand, it was done...I was here! A flood of emotions came over me and I laughed hysterically on the phone with my friend Lottie. We both repeated..."Oh my gosh, I can't believe you/I moved to Florida!" Our conversation was quite funny and just what I needed when reality tapped me on the shoulder. I thank God that I already feel at home and I can definitely feel the prayers from my loved ones. I can see myself being here forever but I have learned not to put anything in stone. I don't know everything that God has in store for me because He's always working behind the scenes. However, I DO know that I will always follow the path that God wants me to follow...Only He can lead me to my destiny.

For Him

Just when I think I can't get any happier, You show me otherwise. It's nothing material really or anything that people can see on the outside that's making me want to jump for joy. It's the change that has taken place within me that has me overwhelmed with love and happiness. Well, I guess it shines through for people to see to an extent (hopefully it does), but I feel no one can truly understand how far You have brought me. Just a short few years ago, I was absolutely drowning in doubt, shame, and self-pity but You have completely turned me around. Even though I believe from the depths of my soul that all things are possible with You, I'm still in amazement at how You have blessed me. There's nothing anyone can say or do to make me doubt Your existence because You have revealed Yourself to me in ways that my little ole' mind couldn't even fathom.

Way Outta The Box

I will be moving to Florida really soon and this seems to take some people by surprise. Not many seem to believe it's really going to happen, which I find very hard to understand. I guess I just expect people to know that once I've made up my mind about something, it's a done deal. But I now realize that for most people, seeing is believing. Trust me...I was the last person to believe that I would ever move away from Johnson City and I never even had the desire to do so in the past. So I know that this is a desire that God has placed within me. It would be so much easier to stay in my familiar territory but I know that my personal growth is coming close to a halt. I need to be challenged in order to continue growing and I honestly believe that I have grown as much as I possibly can in Johnson City, TN. Although I pray for my transition to go smoothly, I am on guard for a bumpy road. It's not easy to relocate to another state (especially with children) but I'm embracing it wholeheartedly. I know I'm relying on nothing but my faith in God and I'll definitely be strengthened in the process. I'm mostly excited to see what's in store but the difficulty of the situation sometimes makes me nervous. I'll NEVER stop needing prayers so please remember me in yours!

We All Need It!

It's hard to forgive and maybe even impossible to forget...but it must be done. In order for us to receive mercy, we must be merciful. And while we're at it, we might as well be gracious too because none of us are worthy enough for grace.

Grace gives to us the things which we DO NOT deserve...Mercy keeps us from what we actually DO deserve.

Yes...It's True

I have found myself once again single but never have I been this happy after a break-up. I guess that's what happens when you're truly happy before starting the relationship. What can I say...it just wasn't meant to be. There are a number of valid reasons why I ended the relationship but it all comes down to one thing...I felt like I was settling. My heart was not content. I often ask myself, "Am I expecting too much...perfection maybe?" But I don't think so. I just know what I want and I won't settle for less! To do so would put limitations on God. I need someone who challenges me to be my absolute best, and I definitely do NOT want to lead a man (I have enough children). He should be leading me...AND in the right direction. The guy I was dating was not a terrible guy...just not for me. And there are no bad feelings between us.

I will admit that my standards are a little high for a single mother of three, but hey...I now know my value. There's something to be learned from everyone that God allows to come into your life. So I will take what I have learned and use it to make improvements on myself.

~Nothing Like a Broken Heart~

Have you heard the saying, "Never waste a good crisis?" I think the same should be said of a broken heart. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, betrayal from a significant other, the end of a friendship, grief is the worst and the best thing that could happen to us. The pain is like no other and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But the pain will bring us to our knees and sometimes that's exactly where we need to be. God can do so much work on us if we go to Him when we're brokenhearted and I firmly believe that sorrow makes the heart good. I pray that everyone experiencing a broken heart right now will not become overcome with grief...but will overcome the grief!

All of God's children gotta crown...

Aren't you glad that once God gives us a crown, NOBODY can take it away?!? Over the years, I've seen a few women in these pageants either lose their crown, or have it almost taken away (which is happening to Miss CA now). She got her crown...some unpleasant things surfaced from her past...her crown is now in jeopardy. I'm so glad I serve a forgiving God who washes my sins away. Once I'm forgiven, I don't have to worry about anything in my past coming to the surface. Gods know me inside and out! We've all done things in our past that we're not proud of and may even be shameful about. And you better believe that the enemy will use those things to bring us down and make us feel like we're unforgivable. But the enemy is a lie!!! Though he may try, he can't take away the crown that God has given us. You can give it to him if you want to, but he can't take it. Jesus died for ours sins! We can't let that sacrifice be in vain by believing we're beyond forgiveness. We must confess, repent, and turn away from the things that are holding us back from God. The Lord will then see right past our faults and provide every one of our needs. So I don't know about you, but I'm gonna rock my crown...and with confidence!!! Knowing that in spite of all my shortcomings and indiscretions, no one can take away what God has given me!

He's NEVER running late!

I don't think anyone would disagree that life is difficult sometimes. If you're doing wrong...it's hard! If you're doing right...it's even harder because the enemy is always trying to bring you down. Life is a constant struggle which must be fought until our last breath is taken. Some battles we will win and some battles will be lost. Some battles aren't ours to be fought but we cause ourselves unnecessary pain by fighting them anyway. And hopefully we can find the courage and strength to fight the battles that are inevitable. Regardless of the number of battles we encounter or how many wounds we may accrue, I find peace in the fact that the war has already been won! So really the only thing we must do is persevere. Just keep fighting! To give up is an automatic loss and who wants to lose by default?! I know I don't, so I pray frequently for the motivation to keep going. God will never put more on us than we can bear, but honestly, I think He cuts it pretty close sometimes. I have no problem whatsoever with giving my burdens to the Lord! I have a problem with leaving them there and letting go. At times I will try to take my burdens back and handle them myself until I remember...I can't handle ANYTHING without God. He knows what I need and exactly when I need it! And what's even better than that is...He's always on time! Thank You Jesus!

It NEVER ends!

I try my best not to get sucked into the vicious cycle of technology because I know once you've upgraded, it's very difficult to go back down. I also find it overwhelming (not to mention expensive) to keep up with what's new. As soon as you get the hot new item, a newer and hotter item hits the market. It's crazy! No, ridiculous really! I have a HDTV and I wonder how I ever watched the old glaring glass sets. I also have a Blackberry and I don't think I could function properly with just a regular cell phone anymore. Can you believe that we used to exist without cell phones period?!? I think the navigation system is one of the best inventions and when traveling out of town, I find it necessary to use a GPS. I'm really amazed that we ever got along without them anyway. Who has time to read a map, right? Although there has been some pretty amazing creations over the decades, the fax machine is the only one that really astounds me personally. Don't ask me why I find it more incredible than the rest! I've used Joseph's Ipod a few times but have yet to get one of my own. I know I'm on the late show but I'm trying to hold out as long as I can. After experiencing the convenience of an Ipod, I know that it's only a matter of time before the CD will become as extinct as the 8 track.

We humans are so impatient and it seems that we think "the faster, the better." We shouldn't be surprised that the years just fly by and lives seem to be shorter and shorter. I try my best to appreciate technology and all the advantages it brings to us. But I believe it brings to us a lot of pressure as well. You either have to keep up, or you get left behind. No one wants to be left behind but not everyone is in a position to keep up. And now that we are in a recession there are retired people who are finding it necessary to go back to work. The ones who did not keep up with technology are the ones having a difficult time finding good employment. It doesn't seem fair but that's just how it is. So although I'm reluctant and I hold out as long as I can on acquiring what's new, I realize how important it is to stay with the current. God has given us some brilliant minds but my hope is that our hearts are even more brilliant. The truth is, there should not be one starving child in this country. In my opinion, any country that can figure out how to put a man on the moon can surely figure out a way to make sure every mouth is fed.

Precious Life...

I know a few women who are expecting soon or who have recently had a baby. I remember how much fun it was to have a little one around. I absolutely love babies!!! And I somewhat miss my kids being small. The first year seems to be gone in a blink of an eye and then your baby is no longer a baby anymore. I'm mostly glad that my kids are older now. No late night feedings...no diapers to buy or change...no lugging all the baby necessities around...it's great! But there's nothing like the first year of a child's life. I can remember having postpartum depression after all three of my pregnancies but nothing severe. I think I mostly felt sad because my life was not going as I expected. I didn't know I had it made with one, until I had two. I didn't know I had it made with two, until I had three. Don't get me wrong...I love being a mother! And I would have another child if I didn't have to go through the nine months of pregnancy. Motherhood is just as rewarding as it is challenging. But when you're a single parent, raising a child is so much more difficult. It's not a job meant for one person, but it can be done...and done well! I believe I'm doing just fine. I can't help but think...'what in the world is Octo-mom gonna do?!?' Lord help her!

Live and Let Go!

Jealousy is something that I cannot and will not tolerate! It's like a rottenness in the bones that will quickly destroy a person's character. Jealousy can make a person do and say things he or she would not ordinarily do and it can take control of the mind, body, and spirit. I've been blessed in that, when my last relationship ended, I realized early on what jealousy was capable of doing to me. I gave it up to God right then and fervently prayed that I would never have a jealous bone in my body ever again. There is no one on this Earth that has a valid reason to be jealous of another person. But many people will never realize this truth because they're too busy seeking after what someone else has instead of seeking after what God has for them. God specially created every person with a purpose and He wants us to experience the absolute best life here on Earth. The good thing is, God never changes His mind about anything! So that means that what He has for you is ONLY for you. Only you can get in the way of your blessings. No one can steal what God has for you or make Him change His mind about giving it to you. If God created a man or woman just for you...then there's nothing anybody can do or say to take that person away from you. If someone gets the job that you so desperately wanted, then guess what...that job was not meant for you.

I truly believe that jealousy is the root of all hatred. So if there's anyone that you feel like you just hate, then you should sit down and think about exactly what you are jealous of. Hatred hardens the heart and makes it impossible for love to come in. So if love is not able to come into your heart, it's not able to come out either. Forgiveness is the most liberating act one will ever experience. And remember...when you forgive, you're doing it for yourself NOT for the other person.